Memoirs of an Actor

My New Shoutout :

"run along now jerk, run to your tramp and breed ugly babies"

so, my new shoutout. peeps who are in my friends list, need not to worry. i’m not targeting you guys. i targeted it to a certain, hm, wanna call him a male but he is such a drama queen, so
ok, she-male (ahakz!) whom i already deleted off my friends list. argh! he is so childish. grow up, GROW UP!!!!

oh and, *jentik my face here*, i’ve swore to not break the golden rule of friendship (no, its not ‘do not sleep wif your friend’s man’ (only sluts do that)) : "Do Not Take Sides When Two Of Your Friends Are In A Fight". oh well, technically, this she-male isnt any of my friends. god forbid i come in contact with this ugly being. so yeah, tho "he" has no problem with me but he attacked a very good fren of mine, which is the nicest, most adorable creation of God i’ve ever known (who is also my soulsistah). what he did to my girl here is fucking terrible and if murder is not a crime nor a sin, that she-male wudve been lying down in some ditch, rotting away slowly. yes, very angry i am.

so yeah…dont cross my path y’all. i love my family and my friends so
fucking much. diss them, hurt them, then you face my fucking wrath.

happy days luvs

p/s- i love you so much nikita audrina fabian sikawah! *hugs and kisses*

me and ikky at carl’s jr. told ya she’s frikkin adorable.

pp/s - to anyone who cares, read on more at http://aziraazreen.blogspot.com i’m not using fster blog much.

hahah…havent been updating in a while eh? why? because i’m not emo anymore. hahahaha. meh, too busy lar i guess…busy downloading free trial games from Yahoo!. hahaha…Yahoo! Games are friggin addictive! I’ve been in front of my lappy for hours trying to win a game, even after the trial ends. Pening kepala sey main game lima minit, berenti, continue lagi lima minit, berenti…haha. I’m suing! Damn those addictive games…

besides that, i guess, i have nothing to blog on (shock!). haha, no lah, its just that, the things that happened, they were not worthy of my time to blog about them. oh wait, Happy Ramadhan y’all. Haha. Hmm…blogging during Ramadhan, can it be counted as ‘mengumpat’ also? Nah, take it this way, letting out your anger. Yeah. Besides, its not like you told people to read your blog kan? Haha…

alas, some things, that are actually worth to be blogged about did happened. First up, my roommate.  For the past two sems, i was placed in the old colleges of CK. The blocks that aged the same as the campus itself. Pathetic. So this sem, I was placed at a new block and I guess, its The Block of CK. Girls are actually dying to be in here. Some went to the certain extent of attending every god-forsaken activities that were held in campus just to get enough small, flimsy pieces of papers, called coupons, so that they will be in this block next semester. If they don’t, they threatened to sue and throw a tantrum. Desperate enough? Haha. And for each sem, i’ve been getting new roommates. They were okay and i’ve been in touch with them even after we went our separate ways.

This semester however, i got the worst roommate in all my years of hostel living (including my pre-university days). At first, she seemed sweet. Religious too. A soft-spoken, easy-going type. You know, the kind that you wont be friends forever with but still tolerable enough since you’ll be sharing a room for the next four months. However, she has this one habit that i really, really cant tolerate. She likes having her friends coming over to the room and have them staying in there for hours. Wtf?? For example, after coming back from class at night (damn, my schedule banyak kelas malam), all worn out and all i wanna do once i reached my room is strip to my undies and jump on my bed. Then, I reached my room and saw lots of slippers in front of the wide-open door. "Fuck this," I thought. And voila, not one, not two, not three, but FIVE girls were in my room! I wish I could slay all of them and send their remains to a pack of hungry hyenas. The hell????? I know la you guys need to study in a group or working on a group assignment but there’s a huge study room complete with two air-conds and chairs and desks right next to my room! Why cant you airheads use that instead of this small room made for two??

Its so fucked up. I worked my ass so hard to get this room last sem, sacrificing my CGPA. You bitches had to make my life a living hell dont ya?  One of my biggest pet peeves is not knocking on the door before you enter. You know, main sesuka hati je bukak pintu bilik orang, macam bilik bapak dia punya. It happened frequently. When it did, i felt like slamming the door on the face of the snobs. Yea, some of them are actually stuck-up! Dahle, kau masuk bilik orang, nak menyombong plak. Apa jenis punya manusia la? Gi balik kampung kau sana la! Nak tunjuk hero plak kat sini. Sialan.

And the worst that happened was, I got sick because of one of the bitches, the one I hated the most plak tu. I hate it when I fell sick because I contracted it from someone. It could’ve been avoided. My dumbass roommate let her friend,
which I officially called the fucking disease-spreader whore, who was sick with
fever hung in our room for one whole night! Bodoh gila!!! That fugly slut stayed
and yup, my roommate got sick and so did I. Babi sial! My roommate had sore
throat while I got a friggin’ package: Sore throat, cough, headache, fever. Dahle masa puasa! I felt like dying is a better option.
Whenever my roommate or any of her friends entered the room, I felt like
murdering them. I hated the sight of my roommate and I rase macam nak tendang
je muka that disease-spreader bila dia masuk. Buat muka tak bersalah je. Sial punya betina. Pegi mampus la…

Haih….i will never be rid of people who enjoyed torturing me..

so…welcome, o the 20th year of my life. the age sorta terrifies me, i dunno, guess by ageing, the more responsibilities and more pain are bound to come my way. haih…i must age gracefully! *embracing the age* 20 is  a pretty number and i am one year till i’m officially legal to the whole wide world! woot! feeling better orde.

my twentieth is quite awesome. i didn’t have one of those lavish, extravagant parties to commemorate the coming-of-age, but a small humble get-together at secret recipe. Where everyone paid for their own food. Haha. Not a cheapskate, but it’s just not my time yet to start spending my money on people. tunggu la i kahwin some filthy rich Datuk, then i’ll throw some useless, unnecessary, money-better-off-for-charity parties. Then show off to the media. Haha.

at secret recipe, it was  humble. no streamers, no placards, no some guy dressing up as a clown to create balloon animals. just seven guys singing a birthday song to one birthday girl with a slice (yes, a slice) of chocolate banana and two candles on top in front of her. i’m happy. seriously. i guess, i have learnt to appreciate the simplest things. having your pimps around you is way better than having hordes of people who only came for the free food.

to my friends who remembered my birthday, many thanks for the wishes. so touched to hear from you guys, even after we had went our separate ways (and very sorry that i seem to miss you guys’ birthdays *kick myself on the head*). to my pimps who got me presents and handmade cards, bless thee. i am such a sucker for handmade cards. oh, and to celcom, you gave me the best gift of them all…7 days of free calls and SMSes to my 8pax numbers. Bless celcom. Hopefully next year celcom will prosper and give me 7 days of free calls, SMSes, video calls and MMSes to all numbers. Yes, long live celcom! (i’ll accept my sponsorship now, tenkiu veri much)

Dearest Papa,

Happy Birthday! Though you’ll never read this, I just want to say that I really do love you even though you can be quite annoying sometimes. Haha. Well, i can be quite a pain to you also kan? Haha. Wishing you longevity and the best of health. I do want my kids to be spoilt with their Grandpapa. Haha. Hopefully you do good things during your retirement years and not just annoy Mama to death. Haha. Okay, I’ll stop Haha-ing now. Haha.

I love you pa.

sincerely yours,

your one and only baby daughter.

or in simple english : Jealousy (according to www.thefreedictionary.com)

i so need to get rid of my jealousy! i’m getting sick of being jealous! i hate being stuck with emotions. whenever i’m burdened with all these negativity, i can’t do anything right. i can’t focus, i act slow, my speech become slurry and i just stare off into space. hell, might as well take drugs. i kept replaying playbacks that lead to my sense of jealousness. with each repeat, my jealousy increase and when it gets so bad, i felt nauseous. i threw up once because i got so jealous. sickening isn’t it?

whenever i got jealous, anger came. and i became silent. deathly silent. only curt replies and a stony look etched on my face. at this point, the people around me would start to ask "what’s wrong?". this question will further fuel my wrath and the green-eyed monster will come out. to those who knew me well and had survived more than a year of friendship, they would just let me be and let me cool down first and let me do all the talking once i’m ready. but to those who are still new, damn me for snapping and hurting them with my actions and words. i’m so sorry for what i did and i am grateful that you cared for me. it’s just that, i’m a human being and i let my emotions control me at times. 

confession : the thing is, i won’t admit it that i’m jealous. i would go and create stories…you know, bad day, failed experiments, chemistry quiz, PMS…anything, but not admit that i’m burning with jealousy. i guess being a Leo…my pride and all that shit.

that poor burette…my first murder…

woo hoo! i got to go to sweden! absolutely brilliant! london+wellington=stockholm, whats not to love? the weather was tolerable, the place was clean and people can actually converse in english. oh and Rea! Rea! Rea! (thats Sale! Sale! Sale! in Swedish). went for like four days je..apa la…

First Day (20th June)

went on Aeroflot, Russian Airlines. starved to death coz they served meat. bodo. arrived at Arlanda Airport and had the smoothest touchdown. Uncle Khalid picked up Abah and me and went back to the Malaysian Embassy. woot! the embassy was gorgeous! roses in the garden! such a beautiful place compared to the Malaysian Embassy in Moscow. itu bikin malu jak. after unpacking, trus gi jalan around the town. hah, it was so peaceful. no need to worry bout getting shot. i love stockholm so much…

Second Day (21st June)

bonded with Wedad, Uncle’s 16-yrs-old daughter. went to Grona Lund, a theme park. it was great! it has this ubercool vibe. alas, the reality hits and i realized i have a weak stamina. after three extreme rides in a row, i threw up. thankfully at somewhere secluded (Times Square flashback. *shudders*). spent the whole day there and yet had time to shop. yay! abah gave me money and i spent half of it on clothes! wah liau, im becoming a girl! wakaka!! went home, tired to the bones and yet stayed up to watch cinta and ate a whole tub of Ben&Jerry’s…Wedad ate half of it.

Third Day (22nd June)

went to Vassa Museum, a ship museum. was cool, had the real Vassa in the building. funny thing about the Vassa, it sinked during its maiden voyage. it was supposed to be a warship and yet it had all these (in my opinion) unnecessary statues and sculptures. deng. after that, Uncle took us to Barkabay. it was supposed to be a shopping haven but lo and behold the whole area was closed. thats like 60 retail outlets closed simultaneously! and no one told me!! i was highly disappointed, was so looking forward to spend abah’s money again. went home sulking and stayed up again to watch cicakman (hahaha, it was okay la) and Play-Stationed.

Fourth Day (23rd June)

boo hoo…my last day. attempted to shop but still the whole stockholm was shut down. apparently they were closed on public holidays. sucks! first, no one informed me about the closure of the shops. second, why close on public holidays? i dont get it. these are the times the tourists came up and blow their hard-earned money on useless objects! deng la sweden. huhu, went back to moscow sulking, coz i din get this one obscene mug from urban outfitters. i blame Abah. haha.

i am not dead yet people. sorry to disappoint.

ah, me blog!!! i miss thee!!! had not been able to surf in like forever!!! so much anger and misery being held back!!! AAGH!!!!!!!!! Since I have so much to say, im gonna divide this entry into a few sections:

THE JOURNEY : i left for moscow on the 18th of May. went on Qatar Airways (no more MAS for me. huhu…) and departed at 4:05 am! my god. Qatar was boring! no individual entertainment and it was stuffy in there. sucks. there were no direct flights to moscow, so i had to stop at doha, qatar. and doha was friggin hot! i’d die if i went for a vacation there. my connecting flight to moscow was six hours after i touched down in doha. got myself bored and my ass frozen. huhu…overall, it took me 12 hours to get to moscow from kl. baik gi London je terus. huh.

THE PLACE : moscow. hm. i have to watch my words here, or else i wud be sent polonium-210. haha. honestly, i would not recommend anyone to come here for a vacation. its not really a tourist-friendly country. first of all, they only use their language. i felt like such a retard. "language is a fucking barrier". second, Russians themselves. they dont really welcome foreigners, they dont smile and they are rowdy. i became so terrified just to go out, coz i kud be shot anytime. i may seem to be exaggerating, but it does happen. Russians just dont like foreigners. third, dirty, dirty, dirty. Russians spit everywhere! Gross! And they dont wash their cars. it really breaks my heart to see a BMW X5 be covered with dust from top to bottom.  fourth, the weather. being born and raised in malaysia, my skin and i got shocked. during the summer, it gives me headaches. during the winter, shivered me to death. my skin just turned rough and scaly and at times, it bled by itself. so yea, moscow is not really on my top ten list of places to visit.

THE PEOPLE : well, im gonna bitch bout the Malaysians in Moscow not them Muscovites. biasela, duduk luar negara sikit, trus lupa daratan. tsk, tsk, people. now, before i continue, im not saying all of them are bad, there were some great people i became to know and be fond of. but you know me, never the nice one, always the pessimist. so, they were snobby, stuck up and totally forgot their roots. cis, mcm NZ all over again. cmon la people, in the end, you will be back to the humble and humid Malaysia. Tough huh? so please, dont throw these kind of lines to me, "I tak tau la nak balik Malaysia ke tak, i’m afraid i might not fit in, you know, im wearing sleeveless and all." Bull.

MY ACTIVITIES : i’m fuckin bored here!!!! i led a routine! my god! woke up at 12 pm , tv (my aunt have cable, 60 channels and free porn! haha!), brekkie-cum-lunch, mandi, basuh baju sendiri (so proud of myself), tv, helped abah cooked dinner, dinner itself, tv, berangan sikit-sikit, tido at 3am. this went on for four weeks. i didnt go out, my uncle being  a lazy-ass, tak nak bawak jalan. Fine. On weekends je berjalan and itu pun my aunt yang bawak. I love you Mama! oh, i got so bored at home, i developed a love for vacuuming. when extreme boredom really hits, i, extremely, vacuum the whole house. and then passed out on the couch.

THE REASONS : so, you might ask, why do I went to Moscow in the first place? first of all, lemme thank you for taking your time and read this very long entry of mine. hmm, i came last winter, so nak try la summer macam mane plak. and, me, being the leech, i came here to shop. Mama Abah and Abah (my aunt and uncle) are very. very generous. i dare say that i get everything i want with them. but, theres a catch. i have to be very patient with their pain-in-the-ass attitudes. once, i kudnt take it anymore, i felt like jumping out of my window. the things i do to get freebies…i am low. haha.

i guess thats all, im done with Moscow. oh, Pak Lah came here on the 18th. The Malaysian Embassy went into a workaholic frenzy. Mama came home at 12am for the whole week before he came (thats 16 hrs peeps. my poor aunt.) and she even had to work during the weekends. i din get to see Pak Lah tho, stayed at home and babysat two kids for two days. got 175 in US dollars for my first stint. woo hoo. abis bayar duit intersesi. haih, my shitty life.

Chet…mcm novel plak. See ain, aku dah buat lagi senang utk kau, bile la nak kuar novel pasal kisah aku ni? Haha…sick. In reference to the entry ‘Betrayal’, i got hold of the information through a source, a messenger.

The thing about messengers kan, you can live with ‘em and you can also live without ‘em. I have a love-hate relationship with messengers. I feel like killing them but at the same time, I am grateful for their existence. Without them, I wudnt know the truth and wud continue living a lie. But at times, the truth hurts and thus you were brought down to the harsh reality, and that is when you just wanna hate these messengers. You started to question their actions, ‘why are you telling me this?’ , ‘do you enjoy seeing me in pain?’ , and the ultimate question : ‘Can I trust you?’. They will go like, “I’m just telling you the truth azi”. Well sayang, no one likes the bearer of the bad news.

In the last two sems, I had my messengers, they both come in the form of males (damn, I SO need to hang with more girls), they both attacked me during the finals, precisely ahead two killer papers and the hurtful truth that was told must be about the people that I had trusted previously. So for my next sem’s messenger, do take note of the modus operandi. Haha.

On a serious note, guys:

I’ve been there for the couple of you, I’ve been the very best friend. I’ve listened to your problems and sometimes I put your problems ahead of mine. I made time for you guys and I’ve tried to make you happy. Sometimes I fail, but you cannot expect me to be there for you all the time. I have my own responsibilities, commitments and my own family. All I ask is, please, stop hurting me. I don’t understand you people, you call yourselves my friends or my best friend but then you go behind my back and tell lies about me. You people have a very sick definition of a friend.

I am emotionally and mentally a wreck already. The next time, just take a sharp knife and stab me in the heart. Stab multiple times. Stab deep. My physical self is all what I have left that is still solid. Why not attack that also kan? You guys think it’s a sport, seeing Azi in pain. “Let’s see how far Azi can go. Let’s see when she’s gonna break down. Let’s see how far she can take it before she ends her own life.”

The feeling of being betrayed is not really nice isn’t it? Especially by your own friends, those you trusted the most. Hell, it sucks! Don’t you wish that he or she would be run over a car and just die? Yea, that’s what went through my mind when I heard about what a certain friend of mine had been saying behind my back. Dude, if you’re reading this (and I wish you would), I want you to know that I am very pissed at what you did and hell, I wish you never get your happiness…yes, I’m that vengeful.

I heard from a reliable source, that this ‘best friend’ (which he proclaimed it himself) of mine said that I already lost my virginity last sem. When my source queried about it, this friend of mine sed, “Aku tau la.” Words cannot describe how I felt when I heard about this. I was ready to throw things, to hurt something physically…I just wanna hurt him as much he had hurt me. God! Sape bagi kau hak nak cakap macam tu?? Kau siapa?! Aku tak kenal kau, kau tak kenal aku! Babi kau! Sial! You should know that people are sick of you! We are tired of your Casanova talk, your wannabe attitude and your poser style. Kalau tak mampu, cakap tak mampu, jangan act macam kau dah bagus sangat. Sedar diri sikit. Kau sakit hati dengan hidup aku ke? So, cemburu jelah. Dah nasib kau macam tu, macam mana? Don’t stoop so low and create rumors. Especially this kind of rumors, where you have to refer to my sex life. What? Running out of ideas is it? Dah tak tau nak cakap ape? In that case, just shut the fuck up. Other people’s lives are way better when you don’t open your big, fat mouth.

Funny thing was, after he told that rumor, he actually had the nerve to ask me to be his girlfriend. This is one sick, disgusting son of a bitch. Thankfully, I was in my right mind and rejected him. Harharhar! Please, I’m not that desperate.

I don’t know la, isn’t it weird that this kind of people actually exists?

"Mama, ayin nak duit."

"Buat apa?"

"Intersesi nanti…"

Huhu…fuck la. I sucked my finals. Even MIC tak boleh diharap. God, i cant even cry anymore…ntah i dunno why i’m so careless…someone need to slap me in the face hard, knock my senses back in…alright, i made a few vows here, so that i would not lost track next sem…ahaha, thought about them while killing time during MIC paper…it was that long….

(1) I will focus very, very hard on my studies next sem

(2) I will not procrastinate

(3) I will not care about college’s activities

(4) I will revise on my studies constantly

(5) I will have a routine that I will religiously follow

(6) I will be more disciplined

(7) I will try to achieve DL

(8) I will ask what I don’t understand

(9) I will put my photostated past sem papers to good use

(10) I will send all my lab reports. On time.

(11) I will manage time wisely

(12) I will excel my quizzes and tests

Please, please…with all these vows i made, i wanna stay in Microbiology next sem…i dunno where else to go…i promise i’ll be a very, very good girl…i wont study anatomy so much…haha.